We live in this world where we are supposed to get married and have kids. And for so many people if you don’t do it in a certain amount of time ( or at all) they sadly think there’s something wrong with you.
It’s that time of year where we should be focusing on the holidays right?
This might not exactly be the right post for the winter holidays but…
I was thinking that this is also a time of making wishes, hopes and plans for the next year and more importantly it’s that time of the year where families and people get together and you know what’s coming at these gatherings right?
A bunch of unwanted questions about your private life!
Especially those never-ending questions about marriage and kids.
This happens for both men and women. But…since we women have the biological clock ticking, we get more pressure from everyone.
I started getting questions about kids when I was 18. People saying to me ” When I was your age I already had 2 kids! “
When I was 21 a woman asked me if I had kids. I said no. She then looked at me with a sad face and said “What a pity cause you’re pretty!”
Another woman would ask me when I’m getting married pretty much every time she would see me.
Some good years have passed since then but the questions never stopped! In fact as you get older they ask you more and more because you know… you’re running out of time!
I had a doctor asking me at every appointment why I’m not married.
Here’s something to keep in mind… most people asking these questions don’t know what they’re doing.
They don’t all know that they are hurting you with these questions.
Most of them just ask you from their own perspective of life and not being aware of what others are going through.
They think that if it’s normal for them it should be for you too.
Like that woman I mentioned above that kept asking me when I’m getting married. She’s actually a nice person and I know she has good intentions.
If you’re someone who keeps asking others about marriage or kids, even if you have good intentions and want to see them happy just understand that it’s not ok to constantly ask them about it.
It might sound like a harmless question but it’s not quite like that.
Don’t misunderstand me… it’s not wrong to ask someone if they are married, planning to get married or have kids. It’s a normal thing to do.
It’s HOW you do it that makes the difference! The constant nagging.
We shouldn’t pressure people about it, condemn, shame, criticize, be cruel about it or make fun of it!
Your words should lift people up NOT put them down!
Well think about it…
You never know how a person’s life is and what they’re going through, their life circumstances or health problems.
So many smile on the outside and seem alright but are shattered inside!
Some want to get married and some don’t. They have their reasons.
There are people out there who can’t have kids. They want to but… they can’t.
Others don’t feel ready or just don’t want to have kids.
There are people who are trying for years with all sorts of treatments. Some had miscarriage after miscarriage and traumatic times.
This is a delicate subject and not easy to talk about. Plus… a lot of people like to keep this stuff private.
So respect it!
Having people constantly asking them when they’ll have kids it’s only going to add more stress, pain and suffering to their situation.
WHATEVER reason someone has for not having kids or getting married you SHOULD respect it and not judge them, pick at, humiliate, laugh or pressure them.
Learn to be mindful of what you’re asking.
Understand that no matter how you believe life should be, everyone is different! Each person has its own life and destiny.
Some get married and have kids early in life, some late.
Others don’t get married and don’t have kids. Some want but they can’t. There are also people who adopt.
Some find their soulmate early in life and live a wonderful life together while others marry at an early age and quickly divorce some time after.
Others get married later in life and kids or no kids live a happy life together.
There are also people who don’t want to marry or have kids and that’s ok too.
Some plan to have kids and others have them unexpectedly.
This is how life is.
You never know what the person is going through so be kind and understanding with these situations.
As for the ones going through these things… never let anyone dictate how your life should be!
Live your life exactly the way you want to. Whatever that means for you ( marriage, no marriage, kids or no kids ).
Everyone is different which makes life interesting. If we were all the same, it would be a pretty boring world.
Happy Holidays to you too!